The Darkness Within
by JacksonFrost
Summary: He's a Black, a member of one of the darkest Wizarding family. He's a werewolf, a Dark creature. They each have their darkness, but when they're together, their light comes out. SBRL.


**The Darkness Within**

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_They held each other and kissed, and pushed each others' darkness into the corner, believing in each others' light, each others' dream._

_-Hubert Selby Jr_

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Sirius was afraid. He was afraid that the Black in him would overcome the Marauder in him. He was afraid he could never truly escape the darkness that lingered in him. These fears were reinforced whenever he went too far with his teasing, whenever he saw the disappointment in his friends' eyes. He was scared he would always feel as Black as his name.

Remus was also afraid. He was scared that the wolf in him would overcome the good. He was scared that when it came down to it, the fact that he changed into a beast once a month would outweigh any other good qualities he possessed. He had a Dark creature inside him, always, and it terrified him. It scared him when it was close to the full moon, and he lashed out at people for no apparent reason and even his friends looked slightly wary. He was afraid of letting the wolf take over.

They were afraid, and they hid it under a cover of laughter and bravery, but the fear was there, deep down and real. But when they were together, the fear subsided. Their darkness went away, and their light came out.

~*~

Remus lies next to Sirius, staring up at the endless night sky. They had snuck out to the balcony on the Astronomy Tower, drunk on life and love and the remnants of the firewhiskey left over from Peter's birthday party.

The moon shines down on them and Sirius turns to Remus. "Does it ever scare you?"

Remus doesn't have to ask what he's talking about. He shrugs, moving closer to Sirius. "A little. It reminds me of the monster I become."

Sirius runs his fingers through Remus' hair. "You know," he whispers. "The stars scare me a little."

"Why?" Remus asks softly.

Sirius pauses, collecting his thoughts. "They remind me of my family. I look up at the sky and I see Orion. I see Bellatrix. I see Regulus. I see all these bloody stars and constellations and all I can think about are the members of my family that they represent. And then I see Sirius, the Dog Star. And I think, what's the difference between that star and the stars of my family?"

Remus closes his eyes. "Sirius, _you _are good. You are brave, you are loyal, you are kind. You are everything your family is not. You are so different from them; you're not even in the same galaxy."

Sirius grins. "And you, Remus, you are the most amazing person I know. And the wolf is only a tiny part of you. The real Remus Lupin is generous and kind and gentle and nothing like a wolf. It will _never _take over you, because the rest of you is too bright for that darkness to even make a dent."

Remus looks at him, slightly overwhelmed. He tries to speak, but he can't, and then Sirius has covered his mouth with his own. They're kissing away the fear and the darkness, chasing away the monsters. Their darkness can't exist, Remus thinks hazily, when their love is so bright.

~*~

"Well, what do you expect? He's a Black. His soul is as Black as his name, isn't that right?"

The voice cuts through Remus' soul and leaves him gasping for air, for answers. He's presented with the facts, the logical explanation for it all. Sirius Black had betrayed the Potters and murdered thirteen innocent people and Peter Pettigrew. _Your best friends, Sirius, how could you?_ Remus can't make sense of this, and he ignores the voice in his head, the one that is screaming at him to look at the facts, because logic has never let him down before, so trust it now, and Sirius is a _murderer_.

Still, Remus can't accept it. It would be a lie if he pretended that the darkness within Sirius didn't exist, but it was never enough to _kill_. Sirius could never do this, and he tries not to listen to the voice screaming about the cold, hard facts.

Remus shakes his head wildly, knowing that only a Dark creature could defend such a Black man.

~*~

Sirius sits in the cold Azkaban cell, and stares out his window at the stars. He spots Orion, and Regulus, and Bellatrix, and then the Dog Star.

"I see no difference, Remus," he whispers at the moon. "No difference at all."

Tears fall as he thinks of his role in James' and Lily's death. You can't escape your blood, he thinks. You can try, and you can succeed, for a little while. But in the end, your blood will always catch up with you. Your darkness will never go away. It _can _never go away.

~*~

Remus nearly sprints into the Shrieking Shack. He takes in the chaotic scene, and his eyes stop at Sirius, who is lying on the floor, staring up at Harry. Remus disarms Harry, tries to explain the situation, and his eyes keep going back to Sirius. Sirius is a shell of his former self, and his once-handsome features are twisted with anger and hate as he looks for Pettigrew.

But then Sirius' eyes meet Remus' for a split second, and it's enough. The darkness fades away and the spark is reignited in Sirius' eyes. It's small, nothing like the flame it once was, but it's there. And Remus smiles faintly, and he's filled with hope and happiness and light again.

~*~

"I'm so sorry I doubted you," Remus whispers.

Sirius smiles shakily. "I would have thought the same thing."

Remus, in three long strides, closes the distance between them. "I shouldn't have," he says earnestly. "Because you, Sirius Black, don't have enough darkness in you to ever do something as horrible as what Peter did. I should have known that."

Sirius blinks, and for a second, looks like the boy he once was. "Even with my name? My blood?"

"Even with that," Remus promises.

"And I'm sorry I thought you were the spy," Sirius says guiltily. "There's not enough darkness in _you _to ever betray your friends."

Remus smiles slightly. "Even with the wolf?"

"Even with," Sirius says softly, and then kisses him, bringing light once more into their lives.

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_and if I ever want proof, then I find it in you._

_oh yeah, I honestly do, in you I find proof._

_light and dark, bright spark_

_light and dark, and then light._

_light, light, light, light_

_--"Proof," Coldplay_

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